A Simple But Not Easy Love Story
We walked along the lakeshore. It’s one of my favorite places to walk, especially when the weather is chilly, and the wind invites the waves into a Paso Doble as they crash against the rock wall. The sound resonates with my soul and leans in for the next crash, passionately connected to it.
After a few minutes of walking, we reached the wooded area, footsteps crunching on dry mud and small twigs. Earlier in the day, the sun had used all its force to find its way through the trees and offer itself for what it does naturally – searing heat with the capacity to burn. It needs no conversation about its purpose; it just shines unapologetically.
Further down the path, we talk about life, loss and the perpetual “what is my purpose” and “where do I go next” natter. We can’t seem to agree, and sometimes the answers lean towards knowing, but more often than not, I can’t seem to believe the good in the words I hear back.
These walks and the deep conversations we have, create a specific milieu, helping me clarify more of what I don’t want. That list keeps getting bigger – maybe it will get so large that the only thing left on the ‘want’ side is me.
We walked and continued talking about real love and commitment, and all the messy mistakes that come with that.
Reaching the curve that leads to a zigzag-shaped wooden path, set up with benches at the beginning and the end, we paused. Where that path ends, you can’t walk down onto the beach because the waves eroded the steps.
How apt. A path that went nowhere because it was worn out.
The conversation between us started up again as our footsteps crunched over the twigs towards the bench.
“I do love you, but when we fight, you can get mean, and it feels like you don’t care. You disregard my feelings and then come back later and say you love me. It’s hurtful”.
Hard to argue that. Promises were made and broken all the time.
But this time, it did feel different.
There was a new consciousness working its way up through love and acceptance, and I desperately wanted to express that.
I stood reflecting on the years of mistrust and disregard, long enough to whisper a sincere apology. There had been too many times that I took everything for granted or cast requests aside with a promise of tomorrow and all too often, spoken to with irreverence.
My mind was made up; I wanted this relationship to work; hell, not just work but to flourish.
The wooden bench wasn’t the most comfortable, but it offered respite from the walk before we had to head back. Everything needed to come to a halt so the words could be fully heard.
“You know”, I said,
“All that I am, I owe to you. You have been there for me, cared for me even when I mistreated you. If I can say one thing besides I’m sorry, it’s that I now know that you are the epitome of love”.
“Yes, answered my soul, ” you’re welcome”.
My body shivered from the acknowledgement of itself.
Finally, the two of us were in love.