• Pam Del Franco aka ASK NANNA

Is the stress in your relationship overlapping into your business?

After screaming,

“You never listen to me!"

you slam the door and head to your office, knowing you’ll try and explain it again tonight. As you move through the day, you’re only half focused on your clients because the argument keeps running through your mind.

To some women, it may sound like an everyday occurrence, but you sense that there has to be more to it, you just can’t put your finger on it. That feeling is your courage hidden in that door slamming scene. Let me explain.

Despite the arguing, you’re still giving the best you know how to the relationship. You want to figure out how to communicate with less fighting. And perhaps you’ve even tried couple counselling. With all the fights, working hard in your business, raising children, or studying, you still want it to work. But the arguments always revolve around the same damn thing – his (*insert your main argument here).

You try and justify it by thinking things like,

“What about women who are battling a disease, that’s stressful (to say the least), and yet they have loving partners. Compared to what they have to deal with, I’m well off. So how can you say I’m courageous?"

Here’s where it gets complicatedly simple.

You’re fighting for something that is causing you stress, and yet, you’re not giving up. It would be easier to bury it, not take any responsibility, or concede, saying,

“that’s just the way it is, I guess.” Maybe even walk away. But you didn’t. You tried to find a solution.

Do you not see a level of courage there? You wouldn’t endure something just for the sake of persistence*.

What you want at the most basic level is to feel as successful in your relationships as you do in your business.

You know there are different descriptions of success. Success with your partner means you want to feel happier, more relaxed and experience real intimacy. With a closer relationship, it can be easier to handle everyday work stress.

But right now, all the fights, stress levels and words like,

“maybe we’re just not meant to be together” have come to a tipping point. Either he changes or…

Here’s the bad news.

It’s not up to your partner how you feel.

He can be supportive, understanding and offer help, or he can be a jerk. It’s not about him at this point.

To fix the relationship stress that overflows into work, you need to look a little deeper into what’s resonating in you.

I’m sure you hear many times (and are just as many ways) that it all boils down to your relationship with yourself.

I can tell you from way too many years of doing what didn’t work, that it’s true.

But I learned that to heal, you need to find that past hurtful event (you likely have a few, but there will be a common thread) that is draining into your relationship.

Do you want to find that connection?  If your answer is no, then good on you for being honest. That itself is courage. It doesn’t have to be world-shattering to be courageous. Just doing what you feel is best, despite opposition, takes chutzpah.

It bears repeating the old saying, courage is moving beyond your fear in any small measure.

Like the butterfly in the woods, your willingness to step forward (or acknowledging that you’re not ready) has an influence on everybody around you. If you can take that step and move beyond the border that keeps you in fear (resulting in stress and ruminating about how to fix him), you’ll be happier in the long run.

When you’re ready, move from being in a stressful relationship to understanding what you brought to the table. learn how to recognize the hurt you’re carrying, heal the emotion around it, release it to become the woman you want to be in your relationship.

*I am not talking about staying with an abusive partner out of fear, financial control, or any other form of abuse. Please reach out for help from your local women’s shelter.