It Made me Who I am Today
I’m not keen on the idea of “everything that happened brought me to where I am today.” Stay with me a few moments and let me explain.
It’s a good place to start when you’re sorting out a relationship issue, but it can keep you stuck.
When I look back at my bad relationships, I can easily say:
“If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have my beautiful children,”
or “If it weren’t for the way he treated me I wouldn’t have learned to love myself,”
and then my fav, “It brought me to who I am today.”
Yes, those statements are all true. But they don’t go far enough.
It’s like looking back, learning from mistakes, expressing gratitude for what it gave you and then saying, ok…I’m done. This is who I am.
This is where I am suggesting you can get stuck. Life is a never-ending love story—the love story where you are the main character.
For me, yes, all the abandonment, abuse and suffering are part of who I am. I love who I am. But here’s the thing; I could have thrived without feeling insecure in areas that still haunt me today. If my history were that of being mentored by a wiser woman, someone who loved me enough to show me a different way of looking at things, I would have felt more whole.
Perhaps you argue that I wouldn’t have listened, and to a degree, you’d be right, especially when it came to the love of my life.
But no-one really tried.
I rammed forward on that runaway train with no brakes, until it crashed.
With guidance, I could have travelled the same train but with soft seats, food and wine and a conversation around why I was behaving or feeling the way I was. Some of what she said would have made me stop and think, but not only because she was supportive and loving. It would have shown me that it was precisely the lack of love I felt for myself was the thing that led me to the poor relationship to begin with.
I don’t have regrets, but I do see there was a better way – a more enlightened way.
There are so many amazing women today who offer coaching, mentoring, and healing. But, if we subscribe to “their experiences will shape who they are,” what would be the point of all that healing if we’re just going to let them ride the next train to hell?
We need each other. We need women who aren’t afraid to tell us what we need to change our way of thinking or treating ourselves. We need women who love enough to want better for you, even if you don’t want it for yourself.
That’s what it means to be an empowered woman. Someone willing to stand for you so you can be the next wise woman standing for someone else.