You’ve decided to end a relationship, and so you pray for guidance.
You’re a smart, successful woman, and you listen to your intuition. You know God or the Universe sometimes sends you a sign.
The problem is, you see signs everywhere telling you what to do (leave and stay) and it’s causing confusion or worse, you read it one way when it’s meant as another.
Shortly after deciding to go, you hear a song about love, loyalty and staying together through thick or thin. Or you feel the love you have for him, and it sends shivers down your spine. It must be a sign to stay!
Some women overstay their relationship. They just keep hanging on even when it’s clearly time to let go. The image of the 1920’s film star in her white silk dress slithered beautifully on the floor, hanging on to his pant leg while staring longingly into his face, comes to mind. That was me many years ago only it wasn’t a movie, and I didn’t look glamorous.
Sometimes, when he disappeared for weeks, I would make the decision to end it. Within minutes I would hear a song on the radio telling me to let him know he has to take me as I am, because I’ll never change. That was the evidence from God or the Universe that I should leave because he wasn’t accepting who I was (he had negative comments about my body etc.) I heard the song at the exact moment of my decision, so my resolve to leave was strengthened.
But as my mind started to sort out how I would say goodbye, my courage waned. As it did, I resonated to the rest of the lyrics telling with me desperately thinking that I’m nothing without him, and I changed my mind about leaving.
I concluded that the first sign must have been the one how I wanted to see myself, strong and empowered, but in reality, I did feel I was nothing without him.
I’d see a woman on TV that suffered in silence in her difficult relationship, and I’d interpret that as loyalty. I’d hear lyrics about being there for your man, and it brought me back to how much I had stood by him during his many problems.
So, now it was clear…telling me to stay must be the actual signs from above, and I misread the others that told me to leave.
But that’s not the fullness of what was happening.
“I’ll never change for you” and “I am nothing without you,” were resonating with a profound yearning that was influencing, but not about, my relationship.
Both matched the frequency of my heart, but how could opposing signs match?
Because they weren’t sent to match my outer relationship, they were messages about my sadness and yearning for what my mother couldn’t give me. (She abandoned us when I was about four.)
The part of me that rebelled against her by saying,
“I don’t care that you left, I was better off without your neurosis",
matched the lyrics of “I’ll never change for you.”
I wasn’t going to let her angry words (when I met her when I was 16)
“you were always so willful” destroy who I was.
The agonizing lyrics of
“I am nothing without you” resonated unconsciously to my need to be loved by her and the sense of belonging that I never had.
But I wasn’t making that connection to my mother. The song was about lovers, and so I applied it to this man.
I dismissed any idea of leaving and continued to stand by him, even though his behavior was indifferent at best and borderline emotionally abusive. I didn’t see it (or I couldn’t see it) because I was too busy praying and looking for the next sign.
But here’s the thing, God, or your understanding of the Universe is offering nudges all the time. The trick is to get out of your own way so you can interpret them for what they are not for what you want them to be.
There’s always going to be signs, synchronicities and love being sent from God and the Universe. But it’s not so you can leave or stay in a relationship. It’s about those things that you need to do for yourself so that you can be the whole person in the relationship, not a facsimile.
That means being willing to set aside some of your ideas around signs being “instructions” and opening to the possibility that they are more like reflections.
When I resonated with the lyrics of ‘take me for who I am,’ it was a sign. Not one suggesting to ‘love me or leave me,’ it was reminding me to accept that I am perfect the way God made me.
When I connected to, ‘I am nothing without you,’ it was a message to heal a deeper wound inside me. It wasn’t telling me to continue to put up with a bad relationship.
One of the best ways to get out of your own way is to become clear about the connection you’re making between a past painful event and your relationship. It’s not like you don’t recognize that event, you remember it, but you likely haven’t made the connection to how it affects your relationship. When you do, you’ll be able to recognize signs for the wisdom they offer. You’ll have the clarity to make the right decision for yourself because it’s not clouded with unresolved patterns of hurt in your psyche. You’ll be taking action to go along with prayer, and you won’t be that person during a flood that sits on the roof of their house waiting for God to help, and subsequently drowns. You’ll accept the offer of help and get in the boat.
Misreading signs can keep you stuck in a poor relationship.
You need to get to the root of your relationship issue and process the emotions around that. Then you can notice the signs from God or the Universe and interpret them with the same love in which it is given. You’ll be able to better recognize and get clear on whether to stay or leave, and more importantly you’ll feel more empowered in general.